Living Across the Pond, or "I'm never staying in a hostel again!"

Fifth and final post in a series of posts about Europe

As I stepped off the plane at Heathrow, I loudly exclaimed, "Man, I could really go for a bagel right now. Have they got those here?" Megan replied, "That sounds delish. Screw this, let's go back to New York." Two people immediately turned their heads and gaped at us agog.

In all seriousness though, for all the idolatry we accord to Europe, the U.S. and NYC have plenty to offer. Why then, should I traipse all the way across an ocean to a country where my dollars suddenly have 2/3 of their original buying power? Well, for the moment, let me wax on like one of Those People who studied abroad and say that it forever changed their lives: Visiting another country completely brought me out of my isolationist shell, and opened my eyes to the possibilities of an alternate worldview. I now understand much more clearly the hurdles facing diverse policymakers, and the gains to be won through greater international cooperation.

Eh, who are we kidding? You should go to Europe for the pretentious bragging rights, end of story. In case you are interested though, I did learn a thing or two across the pond.

1. Space is a luxury: Okay, this is also true of NY and any other US city. But overall, we are accustomed to bigger closets, bigger rooms and bigger cars, while there must not be any claustrophobic people in Europe. Our accommodations in London were at the Clink hostel, adroitly named because it was a former jail. We were assigned a "cell" and though living in a prison cell sounded cool in theory, in practice it would be uncomfortably cozy for three people with luggage. When we saw the size of the room, Megan exclaimed, "I'm never staying in a hostel again!." (To which Matt and I said, "So...tube hotel in Japan?") We immediately established a house rule that if anyone needed to do #2, they should feel free to ask the rest of us to leave the room. The only way to wash my face in the narrow sink basin was to squeeze my head under the shelf. There was nowhere you could possibly sit or stand comfortably while in the room.
   
   Actually, given the savings, I'm a little surprised that there isn't more of a market for cheap, hostel-type accommodations in the U.S. There are a handful of hostels in major cities, but for the most part, we expect and demand at minimum enough space to walk around the bed. Parking was similarly tight, and I saw cars hitting other bumpers regularly. Smart cars abounded; I am curious as to whether these will take off in the US, given that they would be perceived unsafe in accidents with SUVs on the road.
2. Biking culture is thriving: Again, no surprise here, given the constraints on parking, space and the price of petrol. Both cities had bike lanes marked on main thoroughways, and plenty of commuters using them. I was disappointed to see that many of Paris' bike lanes were actually on sidewalks though. This is much less safe than incorporating bike lanes into roads, and significantly increases the probability of accidents (albeit with pedestrians rather than cars). In contrast, London's bike lanes were clearly marked and always in traffic. Plus, we even caught the tail end of the London Naked Bike Ride. I thought about renting a bike for a spell in London, but decided it'd be too difficult to navigate on the left side of the road, since I could barely understand the flow of traffic as a pedestrian. Luckily, London marks its intersections with handy directions:
   
   
   
3. The London Tube is the greatest public transportation system. Ever: The Underground is a marvel of engineering and a thing of beauty, and if I were an objectum sexual, I would marry it. It is clean and fast, with clear signage, broad coverage and a sophisticated, low-cost pricing scheme. It is superior to any other train system I have seen, particularly compared to Paris' Metropolitan system, which was an abysmal wreck of smelly, slow trains with confusing signage. Also, you have multiple options for free newspapers near tube stops. I was a big fan of the London Lite, and was able to keep up with my Obama news that way. (Michelle, Sasha and Malia were visiting at the same time we were.)
   Just how amazing is the tube? It is so amazing that even when the tube is supposed to be on strike, they were still running several lines and we were able to take the train home. Perhaps they should take a lesson from France. Tube, 1 - Labor union, 0.
4. Rational pricing schemes for beverages: We were sort of up in arms over the price of soda (Matt paid €6 for a Fanta), but I could get a mojito for €3,50 or a glass of wine for €2-3. Upon second thought though, this makes sense because an abundance of wine is locally produced, and corn production (and high fructose corn syrup) is not heavily subsidized the way it is in the U.S. In fact, I would be strongly in favor of raising the price of soda in this country and getting rid of these corn subsidies because it would limit soda consumption and be a boon to public health.
5. Despite concerted efforts to meet locals, you will attract the attention of every other American within earshot: Over the course of the trip, we met people from diverse nationalities such as Connecticut, Virginia, Philly, Chicago. One night, we ventured to a gay bar in Marais, where there was only one table available...and the occupant was a gay man from Alabama. He helpfully gave us advice on places to shop in Paris, and raved about the French police. "Mmm, they are sooo hot!" Further, you will speak with your fellow Americans and conclude how banal and un-unique your trip is, since you've been visiting the exact same places.

6. There is nothing to do in Paris besides people-watch: All right, not entirely true, but since we didn't speak the language (ruling out the theater options that we'd had in London), after exhausting our list of monuments to see, we were at a bit of a loss over what to do on Friday night. Out of energy and money, we plopped down on a bench in the Latin Quarter next to a fountain and people-watched. And by that, I mean, other people snapped pictures of us (we're pretty darn multiculturally picturesque, I must say). Then, by perfect chance, Matt and Allison walked by (a couple tourists that we'd met in London). We marveled over the coincidence and then talked about spending the day at the Louvre. (See #5.)

Overall, I must say that though I liked both cities, London edges out Paris for its superior public transportation system, cleanliness and diversity. Paris bests its British counterpart with superior food, scenery and cheap alcohol, though the price of nearly everything else is exorbitant.