Bank Structure Conference

The Chicago Fed hosted the 45th annual Bank Structure Conference this week, and I showed up for part of it, since today included such heavy-hitters like Ben Bernanke (Chairman of the Fed) and Sheila Bair (Chairman of the FDIC). I apologize that I didn't get a chance to ask Bernanke "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" during the Q & A, but my lame excuse is that I didn't have a pen at the time to submit a question. Some other highlights of his speech included:

• Q: So, the stress test results are due to be released later today...I don't suppose you could give us the answers ahead of time?
  Bernanke: No.
• Q: The Cubs are playing the Nationals tonight, and given their records, what do you think the chances are for subsidies for these teams?
  Bernanke: I think we need to get Soriano back.
• Hecklers: Midway through the speech, two college-age guys strode into the middle of the aisle and shouted: "Fractional reserve banking is fraudulent! Austrian economics is the answer!" They then bolted for the doors. I was a tad disappointed that they didn't wait to be forcibly removed by burly security guards; I was hoping for tasers in fact.

Of the panelists on financial regulation reform, the best speaker was definitely the finance professor from Chicago, while the worst speaker was the American Bankers Association COO. Let me qualify that statement by saying this is with regards to content, not presentation skills, because the ABA lobbyist had by far the best presentation jokes, and was the most entertaining/funniest speaker. Unfortunately, the content of her speech was at best mistaken, and at worst intentionally inaccurate. My blood was boiling as she kept trying to put the blame on other institutions (investment banks, insurance companies); the first half of her speech was pretty much "TISNF, I can't believe ya'll are trying to cut our compensation." She kept arguing that banks were already regulated enough, that they did not underwrite and purchase the vast majority of subprime securities, and it was the shadow banking industry that needed more oversight. This may be true for 98% of banks, but the part she neglected to mention is that the largest banks (Chase, Citi, B of A) were just as "negligent" in buying and underwriting subprime mortgages as the I-banks.

It's striking how a person's job title is a very good proxy for what their speech is going to say, and how good their presentation skills are. It really explains how idiot politicians get elected in this country.

Cubs Game

In a continuing effort to expand my horizons, I went to my first baseball game yesterday afternoon. We grilled burgers, (literally) pre-gamed with beers, and sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" on the way to Wrigley Field. I was practically ready to swear off sushi for liberty fries. Almost.

Baseball is one of the few games whose rules I mostly understand, and I freely admit that it can be boring. The game consists of long stretches of time when the ball isn't moving, and the score rarely makes it above single digits. No matter, this is why beer is readily available. We sat in the bleachers behind the outfield, and had an excellent view of the batter, all the better for catching those home-run balls. To further entertain ourselves, heckling the opposing team is a prominent past-time. Much like at Cornell hockey games, it is advisable to insult players on the other team by directly using their name. Ergo, Arizona Diamondbacks right-fielder Jeff Salazar bore the brunt of our section's aggression. Some highlights:

"Salazar wears a child's jock strap!"
"Salazar is a trannie!"
"Salazar makes league minimum!"
and finally, the classic:
"Salazar, Salazar, Salazarrr! YOU SUCK!"

Gentleman sitting behind us: Salazar, you cock sucker! [ etc. ]
Britton: Geez, but there are two small children right next to him!
Me: Haha, what if those are his children?
Aforementioned gentleman: Hey Billy, what did Daddy just say?

Not to be outdone, we decided to offer a few taunts of our own:

Erik: Salazar, I find your behavior morally reprehensible, but I will fight to the end for your right to act as you choose!

The audience that the bleachers attracts is colorful indeed. The woman in front of us told us she'd been smoking pot before the game, and had been drinking heavily since then. Suffice it to say, she was spilling beer all over the place, and by the end, Ricky was clandestinely holding her cup up for her. Meanwhile, the woman's boyfriend spilled much of his beer into the hair of another woman, which was quite all right because she had spilled a good amount of beer on his shorts earlier in the game.

Luckily, the Cubs recovered from a 2-1 deficit, with a monster 6 runs in the 7th inning, to win the game 7-2. The stadium roared with approval and launched into a rendition of "Go Cubs Go," the team's somewhat hokey but undeniably catchy theme song.

American Baseball and Mexican Food Bonanza

Well, the 2007 World Series has come to an end, and the Boston Red Sox once again emerge victorious. I am the first to admit my ignorance on sports, but after having baseball explained to me a few weeks ago during a Cubs game, I decided to exhibit some Masshole pride and follow the rest of the Series. After climbing out of a 3-1 hole against the Cleveland Indians in the American League series, the Red Sox went on to face the Colorado Rockies, which had come in with 21 wins in their last 22 games. Unfortunately for them, the Sox went on to massacre them in their next game 13-1, and the next 3 games didn't go much better. Let's hear it for a phenomenal sweep!

The foodie in me was much more interested in the "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion that Taco Bell was running. Basically, if a player stole a base during the World Series, Taco Bell would pass out a free crunchy beef taco (valued at 77 cents) to everyone in American (population 300+ million). The odds were looking pretty good, since there's been a stolen base in every series since 1990, and sure enough, in Game 2, Red Sox centerfielder Jacoby Ellsbury stole a base, earning America free tacos, and himself the nickname "Tacoby Bellsbury." Oh boy.

Since the promotion was held on Tuesday between 2 and 5 pm, I dragged a group of Feddies from work at 4:30 and we tracked down the nearest Taco Bell. Including ourselves, there were probably a dozen or so people mooching free tacos, and one or two who were actually buying something. Amusingly enough, as we got our free food, Taft got a text message (from an unknown number) that said "Happy free taco day!"

The next day was Halloween, and Haley tipped us off that Chipotle would be giving out free burritos. The catch was that you had to come dressed as a burrito, which basically meant wearing some sort of tin foil. Money and dignity are close substitutes for me at this point, so I readily agreed to burritofy myself for a free boo-rito. You'd be surprised at how much mobility is impaired after being wrapped in foil; we were having lots of difficulty navigating stairs. I think my robot dance got the added benefit of character realism though. And my veggie fajita burrito tasted (almost) as amazing as a Statler wrap.

As it turns out, Chipotle gives out free burritos fairly often for various holidays. I'll be keeping my eye out when leap year rolls around next year.