About once a week, generally on Sunday afternoons, my mom and I have a long, lazy chat. There's never any purpose to the conversation, unless you count catching up on family gossip. Half the time, we put each other on speakerphone and casually throw out topics, as I chop vegetables and she sorts through laundry.
Sometimes I'll get stories from the past, from my mom's childhood in Vietnam, or my parents' struggles as fresh-off-the-boat immigrants. Today, my mom recounted how she excelled at dance class in elementary school, but the teacher wouldn't give her the lead role because she couldn't afford to buy the costume. "You could be a flower or a strand of grass, but those outfits were more expensive. What did I end up as? An insect!" Then she wistfully said that had she been born in a wealthier family, or a different country, she would probably be an excellent ballet dancer today.
Sometimes I'll get stories from the present, the latest juice on my brother's prom date (Korean & ditzy?) or my renegade 20-year-old cousin who eloped and ran off to Italy. Apparently she came back recently to give birth to a daughter, to ensure her claims to American citizenship, then immediately went back to Europe.
Often, I get unsolicited advice, gentle probing questions, and reassurances. Despite seeing my family once, maybe twice a year, they continue to shape and influence my decisions with an invisible hand. And these days, I pass on plenty of suggestions and knowledge too, from technical help, to how to make sushi, to reminders to buy extra-long sheets for my brother for next fall.
Mostly, I just want to say I'm grateful that my mom has always been super supportive, even when I posit crazy proposals, like quitting my job to do a master's in gastronomy in Italy. Not too many parents would immediately throw their weight behind something like this, and then suggest that I take advantage of Italian voice lessons while I'm over there.
I can only hope to someday be as great of a parent.
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3 comments:
You're adorable. Though I hate the constant nagging I get from the semi-mandated daily conversations I have with my mommy, I find it easy to forget that it's a sign of how much she actually cares and wishes to stay an active part of my life. And that says a lot about being a parent :) Consider yourself lucky, ya?
this is one of the nicest and comforting blog posts i've read in a long time. i feel like especially for a lot of asian parents, this kind of candid friendship is rare. i lucked out too - and i always forget to appreciate it.
Thanks guys, I find it telling that both of these comments include the words "forget" and "lucky." :)
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