Fed $hred$

Since I started work exactly 4 weeks ago, they decided to finally give us an orientation today. The bulk of the morning was spent watching cheesy videos on how to recognize sexual harassment (“Your performance review is this afternoon…why don’t you come to my office in 20 minutes to review me?”) and other mundane lectures on benefits and ethics. Apparently, we are barred from trading in financial securities, not that I have a portfolio. So much for that J.P. Morgan stock.

The more entertaining segment was the Fed money museum and building tour. Most of the exhibits focused on (you guessed it) money, and you can have your picture taken next to a suitcase filled with a million dollars! Or, you can battle inflation by playing the monetary policy game. The rare and historical bills collection includes a “Grand Watermelon” bill, so named because the zeros are shaped like watermelons. Although the face value is a thousand dollars, one was sold to a collector earlier this year for over $2 million.

We also took a peek at the cash processing department, where cash is offloaded from armored cars, catalogued by inspectors, examined for counterfeits, and unfit bills are taken out of circulation and shredded. The more modern Fed branches use automated robots and carts to access their vaults, which reminded me a lot of Gringotts (from Harry Potter). Around $13 billion is stored at this branch, on pallets like any other warehouse. It’s funny to think that people joke about having a license to print money, and well, we have one. Interestingly, there has never been a known break-in or attempted burglary of a Federal Reserve Bank.

At the end, I was handed a souvenir briquette of shredded currency, containing around 200 bills worth about $2,158 per inch. The ink used to print money contains heavy metals; rather than burning it, bills are shredded. Let me know if you think you can piece it all back together…