Gluttons for Pun-ishment

Pikachu, I choose you! (Math puns are the first sine of madness.)

This is what happens when you start a pun war with two dogged wordmongers. Stop reading if you aren't interested in Terrible.

me: Phil keeps making puns about my shirt

R: you should stop shirting the issue

me: I hate you all.

R: don't try to shirt the blame for your own shortcomings
me: if I had collar id, I'd weed all of these jokes out
R: my off-the-cuff remarks are pretty clever
me: actually, I'm yawning because they're putting me to sleeve
R: that's just because your personality is a little too buttoned down
me: I guess it's just not tailored for this setting
R: I'm surprised you’re not pleating with me to stop
me: it takes more than idle threads to stop me
R: this conversation is just giving me a pocket full of wisdom
me: well, I just hope we won't be permanently embroidered in dispute
R: it's really tearing at the fabric of my being
me: well I hope you're addressing the issue, don't just hem and haw
R: i have faith that my long struggle with lead me to the land of silk and honey
me: I'm glad that this conversation isn't full of banal plaiditudes
R: it's going seamlessly, in fact
me: in fact, I think we're helping elevate the English language to striping new heights
R: we're going to be on the front lines of a velvet revolution
me: have you got a leader yet? if not, argyle take charge
R: my opposition is bound to fold
me: I'll draw up a laundry list of goals to achieve
R: your ambition is creases to amaze me
me: we'll iron out the details later
R: later? you're hanging me out to dry
me: it's like there was suddenly a sock in your face
R: despite any setbacks, my strength of twill shall overcome all
me: fear not, though one door may clothes, another has just opened
R: the sources of your optimism are growing like tweeds
me: yes, I find it apparelous to wallow in depression
R: you're overwhelmed by dis-cotten-tment
me: that's why I like to quilt while I'm ahead
R: I feel as though I've invested every fiber of my being in this
me: well after being called a spinster at lunch, it's good to feel productive
R: it's spindellabely true
me: admittedly, my level of productivity on work-related projects is rather unseamly
R: you have to make sure everything is documented before you weave
me: I'll work on getting my affairs in suitable condition
R: you have to pastel your replacement about everything you did
me: hopefully the atmosphere at the lunch table won't be too polo-rizing for her
R: I don't think her economist will boss her around like some overlord & taylor
me: yeah, Doug is cool, it's not as though she'll be losing hair and e-Macy-ated
R: if he puts her to work on currency markets, she'll have to be knowledgeable of Feiline's deBasement
me: I must say, this has been quite the epic Pun-ic War
R: a pun is its own reword
me: it is certainly a handy reference material
R: i didn't realize our supply of witticisms would be this elastic
me: I do think some of these remarks have been a stretch
R: most of yours were downright clothful
me: well I think I've learned my lace-son for the day - sparring with you will leave you in stitches
R: you don't have to needle me directly. I didn't think personal remarks were looming.
me: oh I'm not trying to make this an ad homonym attack
R: crochet it ain't so
me: I try my best not to operate in that fashion
R: as this exchange becomes more and more cryptic, I feel the pressure to come up with good puns is getting pintense
me: it's like this data that I'm sifting through in notepad - if only I understood what's in the textile
R: is that your way of asciing me for help with your project?
me: no that's fine, the time I have available for this project is practically delimited
R: as long as you're keeping tabs on what you're doing
me: I generally Excel at organization
R: now you're just giving me SAS
me: sometimes I like to opt for sophistication, other times I go for the low-TeX solution
R: I suppose it doesn't matter as long as the problem doesn't have you Lyx-ed
me: right, and I am quite font of open-source solutions
R: it's a bold point that you've underscored many times
me: one that is fully justified

At this point, it was past 5 and we'd been cracking puns for 2+ hours, so a truce was called. I need to take a nap now.