Overheard in Chicago

On Chicago's (perfect) grid system: "I was driving in Newark and got lost, so I pulled over at a Dunkin Donuts, hoping there would be a policeman around. Sure enough, there were four cops inside. They told me to go back out and take four rights...After I gave them a confused and quizzical look, they asked me, 'What's wrong?' I said, well, where I come from, taking four rights would put me exactly where I started! They said, 'No no, it doesn't work that way here. You must be from Chicago.'"

At the Culinary Historians meeting: "Our meeting today falls between the two high holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippor, so I thought it'd be appropriate to mention that Jonathan Goldsmith is not only a certified pizzaiolo miaker, he is also a circumcised pizzaiolo maker, so you know he's a cut above the rest!"